Count your Blessings

"Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears. Count your full years instead of your lean; Count your kind deeds instead of your mean. Count your health instead of your wealth; Count on God instead of yourself." Author: Unknown 

First off, I have been binge/purge and restrictive free for 3 weeks. I noticed through my recovery that many people talk more about their troubles than what they really have going for them. Talking to my sister yesterday also made me realize that I am truly blessed, and although I make mistakes and have crappy things happen here and there, my blessings out weigh the catastrophes every time.  I think during my recovery using my positive voice instead of listening to the negative one has been the most beneficial for the success of this recovery.  Last year was really the first time I had ever tried to recover from my eating disorder with no luck because I still found all the negative things in my life, and I didn't look and listen to the positive.  I think that one little change did the world of good for my recovery and has made me realize that there really is a cure.  I don't feel like I am going to relapse, I have had some pretty stressful things happen to me that would have normally caused me to be heavily in my binge/purge world, but I am not, and really don't think I am going to go there again.  I have found that since I eat when I am hungry that I don't feel the need to binge.  My body is not in starvation mode and I don't feel like the only way I can satisfy it is with a binge.  I conditioned myself to be like that, now I make sure I eat before I start heading out in the world. I listen to my body, I listen to a lot of music, and those things help me realize that life really is the blessing that it should be.  It pulled me out of a bad cycle that I created. I hope you all have a great day and start counting your blessings.

Quit Bulimia as you would Smoking

When I went in to Nursing School and did my Psychiatric Module I was under the assumption that the only way that we developed psychiatric problems was do to hormonal imbalance, abuse, low self esteem and other such stuff.  What did I learn about Bulimia, all the layers that had to be healed and fixed before I could even attempt to work on a cure.  (I actually didn't believe it, although I thought I had to believe it to get better.) I thought about what triggered my eating disorder, was it my mom's obsessed with thinness, or my dad also obsessed with thinness? Was it a picture when I was 9 or 10 and I had baby fat that made me look (to me) fat? Was I looking in the mirror and had a bad body images - the mirror lied?  I believe now, that all these things occurred that probably helped me believe that being bulimic or restrictive in my eating would make me thin, and therefore perfect. Did I forget to mention that I also need to please people, that I like to be the best at whatever I do - oh yeah, that might be part of it too.  But to quit Binge Eating and Purging as the book 'Brain over Binge' by Kathryn Hansen said, I just needed to stop binge to cure the rest. Removing that should put me in to recovery. After 33 years, a Diploma in Nursing, testing to make me an RN and a Doctorate in Naturopathy with herbal concentration should at least allow me to make an educated guess.  My educated guess is that stopping the binge will cure me - it won't fix all the other things, like low self-esteem, but it will stop the cycle and that is really  all I need to heal.  I can say on Day 19 that it seems to be working, and it is improving my issues with my self-esteem - I am certainly feeling confident.  My secret, I am ready to quit!!!  I believe it is like a cigarette, I no longer want to be bulimic, I no longer wanted to smoke and I quit, I no longer want to be bulimic and with both - I know I don't need it.  Tomorrow will be a bigger and better day!!!  Dear Reader, please don't think that I am having a non-stressful week, I am dealing with the biggest stress in my life, it is not an excuse to become healthy.  Hugs to you all :)

The book that TRULY made the Difference

"When you're home by yourself you're behind enemy lines."  That use to be a quote that I could relate to. I am a stay at home mom and being home alone was the perfect time to binge and purge to my heart content.  I have been suffering with ED (eating disorders) since I was 12 years old.  33 years of my life I spent focusing on when I was going to eat, binge and purge or restrict.  In those years the last 22 of them I spent binging and purging.  My form of purging was general vomiting and on occasion the use of laxatives.  I may have had a few b/p (binge/purge) free days but on those days I would restrict.  My weight loss was never too extreme, but that really doesn't matter in the whole scheme of things.  March 22nd 20012 was a big change for me.  I started to treat my bulimia as a habit, to me, much like smoking.  To break a habit, you don't really have to deal with all the other things that people say you have to do before you really recover.  A great book that totally made sense with this whole idea was Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen.  She over came her binge/purge cycle by not listening to her negative voice.  That is what I did and I have been b/p free with no slip up for 17, today will mark Day 18.  I have not binged once since I started this new approach to binge eating. So this is where my journey started and it has been really easy to beat.   I have wanted to get better for years and years, I have told myself, next time or tomorrow too many times to count. Now, I am in control and it seems to be really easy.  I am very optimistic at this point and very happy with the progress.